DONT RUSH

experience life as it is.create new experiences and adventures every day. experiment with your talents. lose then find yourself every chance u get. drink plenty of water. feel. remember. love. be aware. be determined. be positive. be. dont think just DO. call your mom every once and awhile dammit. eat fastfood. eat slowfood. eat with your mouth closed. get a new car. treat yourself all the time, it'll make u feel better. change what u can. determination. make decisions. weigh out solutions. you've started the rest of your life. find love. find your dreams. find your wallet (or purse). find out what you want. find out what youre good at. find out when the movie starts. be excellent to each other. all systems go. go to work, and work all day. save your cash.go with the flow. and experience life as it is. be aware of everything around you. understand your sixth sense. do 200% because then you know you'll always get 100% and 100% aint bad. push your limits. surround yourself with those who will always better you and push you for greater. push for greatness.use your jedi force. be aware of others feelings.there are two kinds of people in the world...one who sees the piece of paper on the floor and one who picks it up.direct those in need of direction. be an example. smile. pay close attention or you might miss it. never trust a woman named eve ensler. be aware of those who believe in something too much...for they are lost, and need something to believe in. study.embrace beethoven. know our history. it's never too late. keep and treasure a sense of humor...it will keep you young. find someone who makes you laugh. inspiration is key in a relationship. grow. sometimes you must read the book by it's cover...trust me. travel. be uncomfortable, it's ok. remember the taste of a banana. remember the crunch of the apple. drink pinacolada's in a carved out pinneapple. know what "sexy" means. know when to use it. don't listen to everything. not all stories are great. and you should always have one good friend.be humble. be extroverted enough, but keep the introverted close. pick up and move on. be one step ahead of everybody at all times. catch the ball. learn how to punch. remember the firm hand shake and look em in the eyes. believe in yourself. be the first one to say it's possible!hit a bucket of balls.remember your mothers hands. remember your fathers laugh. sit in Wrigley field. relax...but not too much.be open. changing of a schedule is good. stand out...but not too much. find a man who is smart and whom you can learn from, and vice versa. know when you find him. don't rush.know how to use worms as bate and the uses for chicken fat on the hook. get your nails done.never sing "toad poppin" without having to bury the toad. love fully. don't half ass things...ever. learn to sing. appreciate music. appreciate lyrics.there is nothing wrong with sexiness, just don't confuse it with sluttiness. know when to use it.tastes change. love your sister.it's ok to curse...sometimes twice.when your sick remember how dad brings hershery kisses and shrimp cocktail.find stones in the shape of hearts. know class. know right and wrong. never be mad at a stranger who has been cruel to you, as you never know what they are going through. it could always be worse. don't be defensive. love isn't enough...remember that. have layers and layers of goodness about you.be secure...we have control of our own insecurity.and you should always have an extra car key laying around. know where you stand. know where the light switch is. let yourself be open. try to find the humor in everything. give pep talks when needed to the team. be exceptional over and over again...you are blessed.

LE GRAND TETONS

Breasts and car stereos arent two things you would normally put in the same company, but, yes, there is a link between them. In the early days, cars did not come with radios. In fact, you couldnt even buy a radio for your vehicle from a car company if you wanted to, no matter how much money you had. In 1928, businessman Paul Galvin was taking a road trip with his wife, and they passed the hours singing their favorite songs to each other. At one point, his wife remarked that it would be lovely if they could find some way to power a radio or phonograph while in the car, so that they could listen to music while they drove. One year later, he had done it, with the invention of the first car stereo. It was expensive around $110 to $130 but it proved to be a tremendous success. People bought them in droves. Paul called his invention the Motorola yes, that Motorola from a combination of the words motor and the suffix for sound, ola. As we all know, his invention and his company have become immensely successful. But what does this have to do with breasts? Because that original road trip where Mr. and Mrs. Galvin sang to each other, and Paul Galvin was struck with the stirrings of imagination that would lead to his groundbreaking achievement, that road trip took place in . . .Le Grand Tetons - The Grand Tetons which, for those of you who dont know your French, means The Big Breasts.

love

After 6 years of not talking to a friend...we heard from one another today. It's nice to hear an old friends ways. Some of my most memorable moments of my entire life were with him. Like rapping "IT TAKES TWO" in the mirror and using paper plates from a downtown Boston pizza place as "TURNTABLES" and walking for miles and miles downtown Boston on Fourth of July without a cab in the rain to Harvard. He was my best friend. It's good to say goodbye even when you don't want too sometimes because in the end...you realize, that it's all ok...and you are where you are meant to be. I shared one of my most precious stories today with my roomate Justin. It's good to re-live times that were hard, it's good because you then realize that you have grown and you're ready to let others in. It's good to grow and realize you have. It's good to remember the past but it's even better to be at peace with every single detail. You know you have grown when you share with someone you are involved with, the past, your stories, your history and you have no qualms about any of it...you just want to share. I haven't wanted to share with someone for a long time. I saw "The Break Up" this weekend..."how did we get here"...everyone who has been in a relationship has asked that question once or twice. I never want to ask that question again. I remember looking in his eyes 5 years ago and my life was packed in the car and we said goodbye...he said to me "love is not enough"...and after 8 years I then realized what I should've known 3 years into it...that Love is not enough, how did we get here? It's about all the things in the middle that matter. It's about understanding the same things. It's about believing the same idea. It's about knowing when to be quiet and when to give in. It's about trusting another. It's about inspiring one another for greater. It's about be productive together and apart. It's about understanding your world views and your passion for whatever it is you do. It's about doing the right thing or the wrong thing. I like to say to the kids I coach, that it's all about "this"...as I rub my thumb and fingers together like I am asking for cash...it's not cash I am asking for...it's about "this" meaning alllllll the layers and layers of one another that is important. Look for people who have "this" layers and layers about them...it will make you more colorful and bright...and you might learn something from them. My dad tells me today about a new invention breast cancer protocol he is working on...after our conversation I said, well you better go ,you have a lot to do...and he said "365/24-7 without a ferrari"...it is a joke with my family, that my father always said to us, "if I didn't have you kids, I would have ten Ferraris by now." So when my older brother and I are asked where are the kids? Shouldn't you have kids by now? We answer...we are waiting for the Ferrari. lol. My father is kidding of course, because he would rather build me a new theater and name it after me, then buy a Ferrari for himself. My father picks up my grandfather everyday who just turned 93 last weekend, my mothers father, and brings him home to my parents home and gives him a shower and then combs his hair ever so cooly to the right. I think about that, and think...he is the most amazing man...that. is why. he is. my hero. I know I have mentioned TOAD POPPIN about burying the toad....in other blogs...let me retort...when my brother and I were younger, the commercial "My Buddy, My Buddy, My Buddy and Meeee" used to play all the time...we thought we were real cute making up a song called Toad Poppin with the same rythm while we would drive down the road from our home. Mind you, the street would be packed with Toads EVERYWHERE...so it's almost without effort that you would run one over. My father got so pissed off at us and told us to get out of the car with him and pick up every single one out of the road and the ones that had been killed we were to bury. He told us how precious life was, all life and that, that, was unacceptable to think it was funny. Ask me if I ever sang that song again. again. my hero. We must understand something, when we send our children off to school...they go to learn yes, but when they come home, we as parents must teach. Many parents think they "learn" in school...but it continues and starts in the home. When I have children, if I have children...I want their room to be filled with pictures of the eco system, our founding fathers, every president, every part of history and interesting fact that will help round them to be better human beings. I laugh to myself while writing this blog, because why I am writing this? Who is going to read this crap? lol...but I had so much going on in my head today, it was one of those non stop, always going, exhausting days...not that I was busy...but my mind sure was...It's 1:00am and all is well...06 06 06...people years ago thought it would be the end of the world...and look at us. We are still turning and moving and shaking...there is so much to do out there...when I went to college my dad put a note in my suitcase that said in black pen...JUST DO IT...I kept that peice of paper and put it on my dorm wall...it's ok to make a difference and have a voice behind it...look around you...it's not about you...it's about everyone else.

and so

take pictures. remember what it feels like to hold hands. a wink from across the room, from the right person, can make your heart smile. push yourself to do things you never normally do. You grow. walk around. this week I had a pot of tea and read the local loop paper/childrens books with a friend...never in my life has that felt so good. Learn the difference between farmed salmon and wild salmon. the silent are the most beautiful. the ones who dance with hula skirts get showered with light. have a glass of wine during the day, it's nice. this moment, right now, is in my top best days. not to be confused with top 8, people. But those top 8's are pretty significant...and make my days pretty awesome. having a man make you salmon on the grill with asparagus, rice pilaf and wine can be pretty special. Watch an artist do his work...you begin to see what they see. If we could only all see what they see...life would be so much gentler. Fox=Bush, Bush=Fox...what does that mean exactly? But hey, if the president of Mexico can say we need to secure our borders...CASE CLOSED. and when Charlie Gibson says...so she can't kiss? remember, he didn't ask it in a question format. lol.I sat at the most beautiful restaurant this week, over looking the most beautiful garden with rustic wooden windows...you must enjoy the simple beautiful things. My father has found over 6 cobble stones in the shapes of hearts...he brings them home to my mother when he finds them. They lay on her bathroom sink. One time, he went out of town on business without her and found a stone in the shape of a heart with a crack right down the center...he told her, this is what my heart did when you weren't with me. They have been together for 36 years. Find someone who can appreciate the smallest of things...and one who can find them. He makes my heart calm. sitting next to someone and laughing is wonderful, sitting next to someone and being silent is too. the smell of wet wood is one of my favorite smells when in the fireplace...along with the laundry and the smell of the basement in Chicago. He reminds me of where I come from and what makes me smile. "comfortable" meant one thing to me 5 years ago. "comfortable" means another to me now. sitting in the middle on the plane in between two older women ~ isn't easy. Laying in my own bed, with the lamp on by my side, the fan above me, the candle lit, and the t.v on...is one of my favorite things. I saw Ahkeela and the Bee this week...everyone should see it...because of the over all story, fishborne was pushing it again.I remember in college I would push characters because I felt I wasn't doing the part justice...Pap the director stopped me and said Ashley, you have to know, that you are strong yourself...you just need to say the words and the audience will get the point...don't push it.I only wish Fishborne could've heard that note. I told a long lost friend to hear the song on myspace as a way to find closure. we are lead to those, who help us most to grow, if we let them and we help them in return. Well I dont know if I believe that's true, but I know I am who I am today because of her. and whatever way our stories end...I ask forgiveness...and I have let her go we must work to make things right. My grandfather turns 93 on saturday, some of you know he hasn't been doing well lately. that man, taught me what a sense of humor is and how to put curlers in my hair. I miss him everyday and he's still here.
one word for you: sunrise.
~a

and then

Give someone another try, perhaps two but once we push three...no more.Don't waste the pretty ladies. It's funny how you can look at someone whom you once thought you were in love with and you look at them now, and the world...doesn't stop. Go to Disneyland when your older, you appreciate it more. I cannot wait to share memories with someone new.Life rolls forward and things change, best friends leave, and grandparents pass...all these things become=YOU. YOU are important. No matter how hard I try, I still think I am not good enough...even though I know I am. Try not to build walls around you, one day someone special will want to love you and if you don't let them in...alas they will walk away. When you lay in bed with someone make sure it's where you really want to be. I think I have had one man of which I have dated tell me I was beautiful...make sure you always tell your other half that they are more than that. When you can sit alone in your room and be okay with the world around you...you're in a good place. Never stop wanting more. Never stop trying to find the answers. Dont let others think for you. My siblings mean more to me than anything in the world...make things right with them always, when your parents pass, they will be all you have in the end. Trust me, wedding fashion shows are not the way to go. Always live a life so extraordinary, that someone out there could write a book about you when you pass. Wouldn't that be lovely if everyone went by that rule? A lot of "good" could be accomplished. Listen to your grandfathers stories...and if they arn't your grandparents listen anyway...you might learn somethin. Life was simple back then, find the simplicity in the now...but find the depth that of which we have grown. Don't contemplate so much, life goes on without you as you think about it.Don't be boring. Don't ask stupid questions. Dont interrupt. Your positive energy is needed. Talking good about someone makes it good in the universe.Put good energy out. You get older and you see yourself in younger people...don't forget who you once were. You never know who is listening and who needs to hear it. Look people in the eye. Shake with a firm hand shake. To wear pretty underclothes makes you feel sexy. When you feel sick, put your makeup on and wear nice clothes...you'll feel better. I always end up curling my hair and wearing heels when I feel down...and noone will ever know the difference...I promise. When your heart aches, it can really literally feel broken. Sometimes I don't understand why things end the way they do...and my heart is still open.I love hearing my father laugh. I love watching my sister dance. I hate watching my brother smoke. I love hearing my mothers voice say hello at the end of the line...knowing she will be there. Be wise. Sometimes no answer says a thousand words. When you feel lost, look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you're not. I sometimes have to do this...and it works every time.I pray every night for strength and humor. I care too much

things

you should always have an extra car key laying around. know where you stand. know where the light switch is. let yourself be open. try to find the humor in everything. give pep talks when needed to the team. be exceptional over and over again...you are blessed. Understand they might be afraid of you for reason you cannot change. Continue to beat the odds. Make a dent in this world that is greater than yourself. It's not about you. Dr.Phil doesn't know it all. Close the shower curtain. Don't go through life striving for success and loose sight of not involving someone you love...because you then realize, that you have noone to call when success happens...except your mother, which is not a bad thing...it just gets lonely sometimes.Ladies...lower your tone...you will get lost in this world- Your voice is important, don't make me shut it out. Clean under your fingernails. Don't put your make up on in public. A text saying hello can make someones day...it makes mine. Know that the one you chose must have, MUST have, a good family background and a knowledge of the need of foundation. Sing to your children...even if you don't know how. There are two things I love in this world 1. Umbrellas and 2. Balloons...weird I know. I love to sneeze.Live smart. LIVESTRONG.Dance with Nicole Richie, it's fun...but don't BE HER. Know when to ask if eveything is ok. Be aware of those around you at all times...I know I have said this one before, but it's important. Keep going. Not everyone will follow. It's good to weigh options. There are many roads to take...think before you move...and no, going to Vegas and getting married because you were drunk...is not thinking before you move. You must think long term. Short term is fun people...but long term makes for the longevity of your career and happiness. You must have layers about you that you can give to your partner...you must inspire one another for better. H PEOPLE...THE "H" IS THE KEY. My mother says it's time I learn to cook...I am still putting it on hold. Learn how to cook, one day you will have a table full of family and they will look at you with forks in hand saying...IS THIS REALLY IT? Don't be that mom. ;) Know that this is a stepping stone to something better. Patrick used to tell me I would never be happy because I keep striving for more. I have pondered this forever...I am extremely happy and healthy...to want more is not a bad thing...you just have more to give this world than sitting on your ass and waiting for it to happen. 80/20 PEOPLE 80/20 and sometimes 90/10....be the 10 % make things happen. and no GOD isn't going to make it happen...You have to...what ever that "Big good thing" is doesnt have time to listen to you complain because your section at the restaurant sucks. Nuzzle your way in your own way. Don't ever say you're tired...EVERYONE IS TIRED. When someone recognizes you from an old friend-you don't speak to anymore, don't roll your eyes...either way whatever the occation,the rolling the eyes is unacceptable.Karma.Don't be driven by Men or Women...or love...let it engulf you but don't let it build you. You build you. When the dictionary.com emails you the word of the day and it's the word "CUM" don't believe them when they say "to cum towards another or to cum together"...it's COME. Not to be confused with the mid western "Kum and Go".I met a new friend lately who makes me walk a little lighter on my toes and makes me breathe a little easier...find that friend. Look at the stars, don't they remind you of how feeble we are...watch Love Actually. and no Jessica Simpson should not adopt...get another dog sister.I have a feeling of something remarkable and special coming on.June 30th 2004 at 2am...it came to me. How will my life change.
I said, "I want to go"...he said,"you're already gone."

LIFE

Know when it's your time to leave, you don't always have the luxury to leave first. Don't walk away when things are unfinished. You are beautiful. You are needed. Hard work does pay off in the end...I swear I have to tell myself that. Let it go. Push for better. Those who jump ship weren't on to begin with. Keep focused. Know that there is someone out there who cares deeply. Be passionate with everything you do. Find your inner focus. Less is more. Try to understand people even if you don't. Forgive. Keep a close look for the positive in everything. Stepping stones. When driving in the rain, ride on the tire tracks of the person in front of you, it helps so you don't hoverplane. Don't let religion be your driving force behind you, you must find that driving force within you first. When you think you're alone, you're most likely not. Don't ever loose sight of your goal. Don't ever wait around for someone, you do and time passes and you realize, maybe waiting around wasn't such a good idea. Relationships must be like a "H" you are connected but still doing your own thing...most peoples relationships are in A...you're connected but can't move anywhere at the top and your stuck...fight for the H people...I promise you, and if you haven't found it, one day you will get it. If you don't understand...ask me. You never know when it will be the last time you say goodbye. I remember waving to my aunt in the back of the car as my father drove away from her house, I remember what I was wearing .Be understanding. Letting someone go isn't easy. Keep up. Support eachother. Support the arts. Before you jump into a relationship, know who you are. After you leave a relationship, give it time before you jump into another one, it's not fair to you or them. There are more in the eyes then there is an a kiss. Hearing I love you has a nice ring to it. Miss your grandparents, and if they are gone, don't forget where you came from. Know that for every child out there, each one has a story and they are not all fairytales. Mommas don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys. If you think you have reached the top, you haven't. Always care, always give a shit, it's the people who don't who waste my time. Don't waste my time. Don't waste the pretty. Memories are good to have, reliving them sometimes doesn't work for the better. You can never go back to before. Let them hear you. Never loose your voice. Just be. Fate will take you there, no matter how hard you try. There are always two sides to every story. When you send a package, make sure you leave a small note along with it...it's just a kind gesture. Smiling at someone across the room...fills you up more than you know. It's ok to buy a man a drink. It's better if he is the first to do so. If a man drives up to your home, honks the horn for you to jump into his car...he's not for you. When your sick, go to bed. Good thinking...goodnight. I care about all of you.